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Tales From The Record Shop

  • May. 10th, 2008 at 10:58 PM
snow white {fairytale}
Do You Have An ATM?


"Hi, is there an ATM in here?"

"Right behind you," I say for the hundredth time.

"Oh, hello," the customer says as they turn to see the big, tall, glowing ATM machine right in front of their face.

This happens five more times that day. Because people are completely insane. Is it ignorance? Laziness? The inability to find something that's right in front of them? Every single day, some schmoe -- maybe a schmoe who just walked in, maybe a schmoe who has been in the store for hours -- will ask, "Where's your ATM?"

I don't even waste my breath anymore. I just point. Right there. Right where you were just standing, staring at this mysterious shiny thing with buttons and big block letters spelling out "ATM" while you scratched yourself thinking, Gee, I wonder what that stands for. Oh well, I need to ask this girl to find me a money box.

I mean it. All day, every day.

"Do you have an ATM?"

"Hi, where is your ATM?"

"I was told you have an ATM but I can't find it."

"Howzit, I lookin for da kine."

It's right there, RIGHT THERE, you just looked at it two seconds ago! There is a sign, a big glowing sign that says ATM. The sign glows, IT GLOWS! You have to be completely vacant to simply not see such a thing.

But in ten minutes -- just watch -- someone will ask me again.

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[info]anja13 wrote:
May. 11th, 2008 09:27 am (UTC)
It will sadden you to inform you that I have done something similar in the past.

"Excuse me... hi, how much is this sweater?"
-sales rep points to HUGE RED SIGN-
"Oh my god. I'm blind. Thank you."
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[info]kit_a_licious wrote:
May. 11th, 2008 10:16 am (UTC)
It's cool if someone just overlooks something once in a while, I mean, I'm so scatterbrained I may as well call them scrambled eggs, but EVERY SINGLE PERSON looking for the ATM? Yikes. Also reminds me of when my old record shop was going out of business and there was a humongous banner, like nine feet across, in big red letters saying "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE" and still, half my customers would ask, "So how come da sale?"
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[info]davidd wrote:
May. 11th, 2008 10:15 am (UTC)

If dey wen put "Da Kine" on da kine, den no mo' need ask, yeah?

Oh. Wait. I nearly forgot. It's absolute anathema for people to actually read here. Even, apparently, in a bookstore.
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[info]kit_a_licious wrote:
May. 11th, 2008 10:19 am (UTC)
Shoots, brah, deynokia. Dey wen stay on Hawaiian time.

I guess people who come from different places just have different priorities. Here, sitting and reading, learning to spell and speak clearly, is not such a big deal. Literacy is overrated when there are rippin' sets on the North Shore to be had.
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[info]_lady_vanilla_ wrote:
May. 11th, 2008 10:30 am (UTC)
Aww... aint customers grand?

My best moment like that was when I was working in the Odeon. A lady strolls in and asks for tickets, then hands over some Cineworld vouchers.

"I'm sorry, we can't except these. They are only valid at Cineworld."

"But this is Cineworld."

Bearing in mind behind me is a MASSIVE Hollywood-esc sign that says ODEON AYLESBURY.

"Um... this is an Odeon."

"No it's not!"

At this point I'm getting a little scared, because I don't know how to argue back something like this when it's so obvious.

"Urm... it is." I point to the sign behind me.

"No it's not! This is Cineworld!" She's actually getting angry at me for doubting her.

I try to point at the endless logos painted around the massive foyer. The name is on every door, every wall, on my t-shirt, on the posters... pretty much everywhere you look you can read Odeon.

"Don't patronise me, this is a Cineworld!"

In the end I got the manager to come down. I've never known someone so eager to get free tickets to a film they will actually try to warp reality.
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[info]kit_a_licious wrote:
May. 12th, 2008 08:17 am (UTC)
That is so hilarious! She had to just be mentally ill. I mean, to fight with someone who actually works there about the name of the store... that's so brilliant.

The crazies just keep a-coming!
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[info]redninja216 wrote:
May. 11th, 2008 04:13 pm (UTC)
but in ten minutes... you'd be in the bathtub, yes?


wouldn't that be weird?
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[info]kit_a_licious wrote:
May. 12th, 2008 08:19 am (UTC)
Never had a customer bug me in the bathtub... yet.
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[info]tai1or_m2de wrote:
May. 11th, 2008 05:25 pm (UTC)
i'm going to come in and ask u where the atm is. lol.
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[info]kit_a_licious wrote:
May. 12th, 2008 08:22 am (UTC)
And I will tell you that we don't have one! Ha!
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[info]sjonsvenson wrote:
May. 11th, 2008 09:39 pm (UTC)
I fully agree with your cutomers.
To just talk to you any excuse is good enough. *grin*
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[info]kit_a_licious wrote:
May. 12th, 2008 08:23 am (UTC)
Try that again when you're within reach of my Uncontrollable Fist Of Death. My customers know better than to want to talk to me.
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[info]mrtroi wrote:
May. 11th, 2008 10:55 pm (UTC)
But you are assuming that when they ask for the "ATM" that they are looking for the "automated teller machine" when all the while, they could be asking for the service of "a$$ to mouth". Thus, they are perplexed when you point to the cash machine behind them and they realize that the service they want requires more money than they have on them. Just a thought.
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[info]kit_a_licious wrote:
May. 12th, 2008 08:24 am (UTC)
Holy moly, Troi, that may be the first dirty thing I've heard you say! Bravo!
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[info]mrtroi wrote:
May. 12th, 2008 03:04 pm (UTC)
Bwahahahaha! I guess that tells me that I don't hang around that much at the store. Otherwise, y'all would know to expect this stuff from me. Thank you very much, I'm here everynight...try the veal!
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[info]sunny_serenity wrote:
May. 11th, 2008 11:42 pm (UTC)
"Eh, you get dat song? You know da one dey play? Da ting sound like: 'dee duh doo dah dum' and den get dat girl who sing. You get dat song?"
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[info]kit_a_licious wrote:
May. 12th, 2008 08:26 am (UTC)
Yes, we have that song. But I won't tell you who does it. It's somewhere in there, you see where all those CDs are? It's in there. I won't say where.

Happy hunting.


MWA HA HA HA HAAAAAA!
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[info]sunny_serenity wrote:
May. 12th, 2008 11:39 pm (UTC)
Or there's this: 'Do you have music DVDs?' *points directly behind them* 'Oh.' I'm just gonna walk around the store with my index finger held straight out in front of me and yell "J'accuse!"
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[info]johnblipovich wrote:
May. 12th, 2008 02:26 am (UTC)
Duh Kit. "Sorry, we don't have an ATM" all you need to say.

What WOULD you do without me!
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[info]kit_a_licious wrote:
May. 12th, 2008 08:27 am (UTC)
My God, British -- you're brilliant!

And diabolical. Natch.
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[info]krystal0211 wrote:
May. 12th, 2008 02:59 am (UTC)
It sounds like the huge "WATCH YOUR STEP!" sign on our floor where people are constantly tripping. Then they always laugh when they look down and see the big yellow and black stripes.

Humans just live inside their own brains usually, particularly the types that shop our kinds of stores. Gotta luv 'em!!
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[info]kit_a_licious wrote:
May. 12th, 2008 08:28 am (UTC)
Oh man, I know it. Like, what making it huge and bright colors didn't work enough for you? Read, dummy!
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[info]cervrok wrote:
May. 12th, 2008 05:32 pm (UTC)
substitute "fitting rooms" for "ATM" and you have my work life in a nutshell. in the customers' defense, it's not immediately obvious where they are, but still, they're not exactly hidden. it's like when i worked at the navy yard and everyone asked me, "where's the ship?" when you can literally see the masts from the building. ;)
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[info]kit_a_licious wrote:
May. 13th, 2008 11:18 am (UTC)
Oh man, I can imagine how frustrating that must get. Crikey. If I'm in a place where people buy clothes, I naturally assume there is a fitting room somewhere and so I invest the time in looking for it rather than being a gnat.

"Where's the ship?" may become my new "oh duh" phrase.
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[info]ginger_root wrote:
May. 12th, 2008 07:28 pm (UTC)
i was on a road trip through the south and we stopped for gas at this backwoods bumfuck gas station. i noticed they had an atm and i went in to pay for the gas and get some cash. there was a small line, so i waited. and waited. when i got up to the counter the phone rang and the clerk answered it, so i leaned against another counter-thing next to me. he finally hung up, and after paying i asked, so where is the atm, anyway? he just stared at me. i sort of stared back for a second and then he pointed at my shoulder. so i looked at my shoulder and then looked back at him. no response. then i looked at my shoulder again and realized that i was, in fact, leaning on said atm.

this is my life in a nutshell. and apparently the lives of all of your customers. we are idiots in idiot suits. for sure.
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[info]kit_a_licious wrote:
May. 13th, 2008 11:20 am (UTC)
Oh Ashley, you adorable peanut! That's so funny. But no, you are not among The Idiot tribe. I accept that most of my customers just have their mind on other things, and are usually very smart, but a lot of these people are the same ones who ask me where a CD is before they're even all the way in the door and haven't even glanced around for it.

You no idiot. You honeybee.
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[info]ihateusernames wrote:
May. 12th, 2008 08:16 pm (UTC)
I'm going to tell you a little secret: People don't read signs. 9 years of working in libraries, and that is one of the universal truths I've picked up. They just *do not read signs*, and they barely pay attention to what's going on 3 feet in front of their face. I guess I'm lucky they read anything at all, or I'd be out of business.

What's worse is when you answer the phone, "Anywheresville Library" and the person says "Hi, is this the Anywheresville Library?" It kinda makes me want to hang up on them.
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[info]kit_a_licious wrote:
May. 13th, 2008 11:22 am (UTC)
You should read a book called Library Confidential by Don Borchert. It's about the funny parts in working at a library. You'd love it.

And yes, I get that all the time. "Jelly's, how may I help you?"

"Is this Jelly's?"

"Omigod, I dunno! Is it?"
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